This forum space is for parents who need help talking about their child being gay to other family members – siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, ect. The conversation needs to happen, when and how are the questions to answer.
Six:11 Ministries
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Our 18 year old son just told us he is gay. We have suspected for years. We assured him that we support and love him unconditionaly. He has an older brother that is very ruthess and has made disparaging comments in the past and has even said he is homo phobic. He has teased his younger brother, not knowing that he is in fact gay. How do we as parents handle ?
Thanks for commenting.
It is great that you’ve expressed love to your son, Darlene. Now, your oldest son needs to show the same respect for his brother. I’m assuming that your older son does not know your other son is gay. Regardless if he is homophobic or not, they are brothers and therefore he needs to treat his brother as such.
Obviously, you cannot force your older son to acknowledge this; however, you can set in place boundaries that keep this mindset at the forefront. Setting a standard of no gay jokes, no gay slander, no teasing, no forced arguments, etc for your older son sets in place two important things: your older son knows that this treatment of his brother will not be tolerated, and your younger son knows you will put into action your unconditional love. While you may not be able to control what happens outside of your home / presence, you can control what happens within your home / presence. You’re not choosing sides, but your not allowing one son to beat up the other either.
Additionally, I would talk to your older son about his reasons for being homophobic, specially if this behavior continues after finding out his brother is gay.
Our 24 year old son told me he was Gay not to long ago. He says he is a christian and that he is very happy with his life. Even though I do not agree with him and that this life style is wrong in Gods eyes I love him and want to be there for him. His brother and wife want us together to talk to this son and tell him he is living in sin and show him all the scripture that says it is wrong. Tell him he cannot come around as long as he is living this life style. I do not agree with this. I do not want to cut him out of our family he is my son and I love him and want to be here for him. How do I deal with family that want to cut him out I feel he needs more love then telling him what a sinner he is? What would the best book be to read to tell and help us to deal with him being Gay and how a family should deal with it.
Hi Sara. I am sure your gay son knows what the Bible says about homosexuality. I’m not sure if he needs to be reminded of it over and again. What he needs, especially right now, is to know that his family will continue to love and support him – no matter what. Your other son doesn’t have to agree to this, as this isn’t really his call. Your husband and you set the atmosphere. It is through seeing Jesus – in, through, and before us – that any type of transformation begins. As for books … I suggest my own (found on the right side of this page or down below) and Joe Dallas’ book, When Homosexuality Hits Home (http://www.amazon.com/When-Homosexuality-Hits-Home-Theyre/dp/0736912010).