This forum space is to help parents and others navigate through questions and thoughts about why their child is gay.
Six:11 Ministries
proclaiming God's identity & wholeness
This forum space is to help parents and others navigate through questions and thoughts about why their child is gay.
i dont know why my child is gay i dont like it i am afraid of how i feel about them i dont want to see them. i have to get some professional help or i will die
What type of help are you exactly looking for Sue? And what area of the US do you live in?
Dear Sue,
I happen to know exactly what I think you are feeling. I am in the same boat. I feel guilty for not wanting to deal with my daughter and yet I know that I do still love her. I don’t know how to deal with the conflicting feelings because my daughter and I were super close and now I hate to see her coming. I am praying that she will change but she seems so sure of this decision that I’m not sure that I shouldn’t be praying that God change me instead or we may never have any type of relationship and she is my only child.
My son has same sex attractions and I know he has acted on them. He is back home living with us and he is not open about it. I have confronted him and asked him, but he denies it. I saw a gay friend walking out of his hotel room and have seen emails and texts that tell me what he is doing. He is 23 years old. He has other issues, but I think he is working on those. I have come to the realization that there is nothing I can say that will change his thoughts. I realize through love and prayer on my part, along with willingness on his part to listen to the voice of God, that will be the only way any change, will occur. Yet there is that pink elephant in the room. I want to talk about it. He denies everything when I bring it up (and no it is not hysterical or accusatory, I just ask him to be open with me). What do I do….it is eating me up inside. My heart is broken. I know God is bigger than this, but I am so devastated and feel so broken, and yes I feel I did something wrong. Can you offer any advice? I am in tears as I write this.
Hi Maria – thanks for posting. Usually your situation is reversed: the child wants to talk but the parent doesn’t. Without knowing everything, I’m not sure why your son is refusing to talk about his homosexuality, except for maybe he is scared or confused about the entire issue. I wonder, though, why you feel like you did something wrong? Carrying unhealthy guilt upon your shoulders isn’t good and is definitely causing this situation to “eat you up.”
Would love to talk further via email if you would like.
Shawn,
I have been following your site for some time now and appreciate your ministry. I posted at one time as our son told us he was gay. The last six months has been quite trying of course for us all and my husband and I feel like we are at a dead end. We were wondering if we shouldn’t seek counseling and I would prefer a former homosexual . We live in Southwest Missouri/Northwest Arkansas area and were wondering if you knew of someone. We have read books, studied the scriptures and have tried to keep communication open with him. But the communication between us needs help. Appreciate any assistance!
Hi Nancy – thanks for commenting again.
I’m not aware of any Christian counselors in your area. I did a quick Google search and found this practice: Fresh Roots Family Counseling. You might try them or ask to refer you to a place that is better suited.
When you say, “communication between us needs help,” are you referring to you and your husband, or both of you and your son?
Shawn, sorry it took so long to respond. I was referring to our communication with our son. We have tried to set up severals times to meet with him as he complains that we are not treating him like family anymore but then he always cancels on us or like this last Saturday doesn’t even show up. Do we just let go and wait for him to make arrangements for a visit? His siblings and my husband have been able to move on and say all they will do is pray for him. I have a hard time with that but want to do the right thing. Is this a game they play to get our sympathy and then to get us to accept their lifestyle? I just have questions. It has been 7 months since we found and its still really hard for me to accept. That is why I was looking for a counselor who knows what our son is going through.
Thanks for clearing that, Nancy. Have you tried the place I suggested? Any luck? It does sound like your son is playing games, then again he could be just as scared as you about the questions being asked. Maybe leave the meeting arrangements up to him, all the while making sure he knows your door is open. If he would be up for communicating with me, I would be happy to start a conversation with him. Here’s my email.
I feel my heart is breaking and I don’t understand. My 17 year old son told me last week that he is homosexual. Since the age of 12 he has studied hard, helped in the community and joined charitable groups but has never socialised with other young people. He tells me that this was because he was confused by what he was feeling. He doesn’t want to be gay but he feels deep inside him that he has been born this way. He is devastated and his suffering his manifested itself over they years in alopecia and other nervous disorders. I know in my heart that if he could see any way to change himself he would do so.
I am so frightened for him. My belief has always been that this is the most abhorrent thing before God’s eyes and I dont want it for my child. But equally as a parent I want him to be happy. He tells me that all he wants is to find someone to love and who will love him and this is what everyone wants from life. He has never had a relationship and I have tried to say that I think he shouldnt hurry into one. I’ve also told him that I think sexuality has more shades than black and white and that he should try to keep an open mind. I’ve urged him to try to mix equally with males and females and to make some friends of both sexes. I’ve also said that I don’t think there is any need to broadcast his feelings, I think until the day that he has a relationship with someone there is no need to “label” himself either way. You can probably read through this that my deepest desire is that he will discover that he is not homosexual and that shyness of the opposite sex was the problem, but actually he has assured me that this isnt so. He says that he has fought his feelings for a very long time and now has to resign and accept who he is. I have told him that I love him. He is my only son and no matter what happens I will always be the one person in this World who will love him unconditionally. I have prayed and I have cried but at the end of everything I think my main problem is that I just can’t understand. Can you please help me?
Karen – please email me. Thanks.
I am making so many mistakes now that my daughter has told me that she is bisexual. I am truly confused and don’t understand why she has chosen this for herself. She was dating a young man who hurt her and I sometimes think that her choice is in retaliation of that event. She tells me that this is temporary and because she says that, I want it to end now! I really don’t know what to think and feel right now. I am active in my church and she was raised in the church. I have just asked her for the keys to my house and although I still love her, I can’t seem to answer the question that my mother asked me, “under what conditions may she return”. I don’t want the lifestyle around me, I AM disappointed and every time that she leaves to be with her “friend” I go off imagining what she is doing. She is now 22 and can make her own choices, but I don’t want to deal with it at all.
I feel your pain. I too struggle with my gay daughter. If you are interested I am looking to try to start some kind of support group for parents in our situation. You can contact me on here first if you’d like and I can give you my information if you are interested in banding together in prayer and support for us, our children and this whole generation.
I too have a gay child. My heart drops each time I look at her. She is unhappy and angery all tphe time. This frustratpes me and keeps me afraid for her. She is totally comfused about this life style, what it is, what it means for her future, and most of all how to seperate the life style from her life needs and wants. She puts her gayness out frount of her beautiful personality, smile and intelligents. My fears are not limited to the facts that I am getting older, and sicker each day. My concerns are becomming more real each day. I need her to know that there are responsibilities and obligations that are not excluded from gay people. Please respond
Hello, this is my first time to visit this forum. Our son is 33 and is gay. We are of a Christian faith that believes and teaches that this is a sin. I found out about my son’s homosexuality by accidentally discovering an email by his younger brother. It is a shocking experience to walk up to YOUR computer one evening and see an email left up that your younger son is writing to someone saying that his brother is gay. The next day, while at work, my youngest son came up to have lunch with me. I asked him about the email and he confirmed that his brother was gay. I was devastated. Yes, I read it, but hearing it said made it even more real. I fell apart. It was as if someone had told me my son had died. That is how I felt. Add to this fact that my gay son was married with a child, my only granddaughter. I was so confused; but, I pushed the reality away. My gay son had not felt like he could confide in me and his brother begged me not to say anything to him. Time went on. Then, my son’s wife packed her bags and left my son because he had committed adultery with another man. My life fell apart once again. Those were nightmarish months. I prayed and prayed and then, to me a miracle happened, my son and his wife went back together. They started going to church. They had another baby girl. It seemed as if God had answered prayer and my gay son’s thoughts and actions were changed. They weren’t. Not too long after the birth of my second granddaughter, my son told me he was gay and that he and his wife would divorce. The nightmare returned. I finally broke down and talked to my pastor, something I was afraid to do. I was afraid I would be told that I had to turn my back on my son, something I knew I could not do. Thankfully, my pastor told me that I should not turn my back on my son, but I should continue to love him and pray for him and to know as long as there is life there is hope. That was almost 6 years ago and my son is still openly gay. He has a partner that he has been with now for a year. I still struggle with this reality everyday, and it is only by God’s help that I am able to make it through.
Thank you for sharing your story, Katrina.
Shawn, I thank God for your ministry. I struggle each day with the issue of my son’s confession that he is gay and living in that life style. I have cried many tears; but, nothing is more comforting than to hear it is okay to still love your child, pray for them and show them Christ. I pray that by God’s mercy and grace that my son will one day see Christ and who He really is just as He was revealed to you. My prayer is also that my son sees Christ’s love through me. Thank you, again for serving Christ our Lord and Savior through this ministry!
This is a question from a parent that was left on another page of ours. The comment belongs here, and I hope others reach out to her – Cecilia:
Can I have some guidance and help with my situation. My daughter coming out at age 16 saying she is gay & dressing like a guy. She is nasty to me all the time & there isnt no communication with each other.I live in orlando, Florida, I deal with depression /general anxiety & trying to cope with her now has really affected me, PLEASE HElLP