Loving Your Rebellious Child

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I recently came across this great article by Abraham Piper (son of John Piper). In it, Abraham describes a time when he walked away from his faith, and how his parents walked with him through the troubling journey. The full article can be read here, but I wanted to highlight some of his points below. Abraham writes:

Looking back on my years of rejecting Christ, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child so that they, too, would wake up to Christ’s amazing power to save even the worst of us.

1. Point them to Christ. 
Your rebellious child’s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or porn or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk band. The real problem is that your child doesn’t see Jesus clearly.

2. Pray.

3. Acknowledge that something is wrong. 

4. Don’t expect them to be Christlike.
If your son is not a Christian, he won’t act like one, and it’s hypocrisy if he does. If he has forsaken your faith, he has little motivation to live by your standards, and you have little reason to expect him to.

5. Welcome them home.
Because your deepest concern is your son’s heart, not his actions, don’t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, don’t make it hard for him.

6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.
Be gentle in your disappointment.

7. Connect them to other believers.

8. Respect their friends.
Be hospitable. Her friends are someone else’s wayward children, and they need Jesus, too.

9. E-mail them.
When you read something in the Bible that encourages you and helps you love Jesus more, write it up in a couple of lines and send it to your child. The best exhortation—better than any correction—is for them to see Christ’s joy in your life.

10. Take them to lunch.

11. Take an interest in their pursuits.
Odds are that if your daughter is purposefully rejecting Christ, then the way she spends her time will disappoint you. Nevertheless, find the value in her interests, if possible, and encourage her. You went to her school plays and soccer games when she was 10; what can you do now that she’s 20 to show that you still really care about her interests?

12. Point them to Christ.
This can’t be stressed enough. It’s the whole point. No strategy for reaching your son or daughter will have any lasting effect if the underlying goal isn’t to help them know Jesus.

The goal is not that they will be good kids again. It’s not that they’ll get their hair cut and start taking showers; it’s not that they’ll like classical music instead of deathcore; it’s not that they’ll vote conservative again by the next election. The goal is not for you to stop being embarrassed at your weekly Bible study or even for you to be able to sleep at night, knowing they’re not going to hell.

The only ultimate reason to pray for them, welcome them, plead with them, eat with them, or take an interest in their interests is so that their eyes will be opened to Jesus Christ.

And not only is He the only point, but He’s the only hope. When they see the wonder of Jesus, satisfaction will be redefined. He Himself will replace the money, or the praise of man, or the high, or the sex that they are staking their eternities on right now. Only His grace can draw them from their perilous pursuits and bind them safely to Him—captive, but satisfied.

God will do this for many. Be faithful and don’t give up.

To read the full article, click here.

 

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9 responses to “Loving Your Rebellious Child

  1. When you mentioned this in a previous post, I went to the article. It is excellent and it was extremely reassuring to me. Thank you for posting it – I will not give up!

  2. Thanks for calling attention to this article. It’s a really good example of how to love your children, or youth group teens, as people. What I really like, is that it’s a good example of what you’ve said in your book, how we should treat GLB teens – there’s only two words about it. The focus – regardless of the sin – is on Jesus. Thanks

  3. Excellent post about an excellent article.

    I especially love the one about “take them to lunch.”

    I know this particular post is not about homosexuality per se but one of the things I see happening when Christian parents find out their kid is gay, regardless of whether their son or daughter chooses to find a lover or to resist sexual temptation, is that the little interactions and indications of affection seem to evaporate. Smiles turn into worried frowns. That look of pride that used to light up mom or dad’s face at their child’s accomplishments just disappears. The shared family jokes and banter are no more. Suddenly there is this huge subject no one wants to talk about but no one can get off their minds either and it poisons the whole relationship.

    So, one thing I try to get across to parents is: even if it feel artificial at first, be extra careful to include those little indications of affection, cards, going to lunch, baking a batch of cookies, whatever. There are times when you have to talk about the elephant in the room, but don’t let that become your whole relationship. Try to have times when homosexuality is not the issue and not mentioned and being together and just talking, even about the weather, is the main point.

  4. It sounds so easy…praying we never get to this point. Thanks for the read. I will tuck it away in my “file” and look it up if ever needed. Or, better yet, let them come stay with you until on the right path again!

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