Dealing with my spouse

This forum space is reserved for men and women who have spouses that need help dealing with their child being gay.

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2 responses to “Dealing with my spouse

  1. Looking for some guidance or suggestions on dealing with a husband who is not quite as understanding at this point of our 16 year old gay son. He had come out a couple of months ago and it has been quite rough on us. My husband is a pastor’s son and is very involved in our church and parochial high school. The school has also found out that he is gay and have stated that if he continues this “lifestyle”, the school probably is not the place for him. This is, of course, leaving my son feeling veryalone. My husband seemed to be doing quite well for awhile there and we were allowing our son to visit his boyfriend. A picture has now surfaced of my son and boyfriend kissing and my husband has been questioned by the school. My husband has now grounded my son and is refusing to let him see his boyfriend until school is over. (2 more months). He will then move to a public school next year. When conversations occur between my husband and son, tensions always seem to rise and my husband ends up saying something regarding homosexuality and how wrong it is and how he’s going to hell. This, in my opinion, is very demeaning to my son. I need some advise on how to get past this and to help him understand that this constant scutinizing is not doing my son any favors. (at home and at school) Do you have any suggestions?

    • Hi TP,

      Have you read any of these books: “When Homosexuality Hits Home,” “101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality,” and my book (link to the right of this)? All three would offer great help to your husband and you about your son.

      Your husband’s response is quite typical. It is often harder for a man to accept his gay child (especially a son). What your son needs is to know that his dad loves him unconditionally. And what your husband needs is to know that his son is still his son. Yes, he may have same-sex attractions, but they are still father and son, and bound that is greater than one’s sexuality. While your husband may think he’s helping the situation by his comments and actions, he is actually hurting the situation.

      He needs to see that God is bigger than this situation. That God is in control. And that God is calling him to love his son just as He loves your husband and son. Make sense?

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